Cwen Gan

I'm very fragile, in fact, more than you can ever imagine. Many people said that a lady's heart is as fragile as glass, but mine is more than that. I may not look like one, I may look very confident and strong as if nothing would bring me down but deep down within me, I'm not. Only the closest friends of mine would know what I mean by now.

Many people said that I shouldn't complain. From their point of view, I look classy and cherished by me parents, but if you're not me, how could you ever know the truth, that what life I'm living now.

Yes, I admit that my parents love me so much. I'm the youngest daughter in this family, and as everyone knows, the youngest is always daddy's favourite girl. But the truth is, the more they love you, the more you would feel the stress from them because you know, you're the last hope of your parents.

My parents, especially my dad is not satisfied with my elder siblings and eventually, every burden and stress are on my shoulder, and I can't breathe.

I personally think that my siblings are already good enough, I am, somehow proud of what they did because they are my brothers and sister, my closest of all for the lifetime.

My eldest brother studied in King's College, UK and is currently struggling for a living there. My second brother never finished his studies in college but now he has his own hand-phone stall. Lastly my elder sister, is now working as a manager in Singapore. What more can you ask?

I think the most important thing in life is to stay happy, not living to compete with the others and in the end, are you really happy? You might be working for Donald Trump, living a great lifestyle and being better than your relatives and friends, but the question is, deep down in your heart, are you happy? Well, maybe to some people, it is. But to me, I am seriously not happy with that, to be competing with the one I love or care by judging them and sometimes, throwing stones at them. Is this how you enjoy your life?

I remember that my grades were very good before standard 3, because I want my dad to be happy, to be proud of me. But somehow, he never compliments me for trying my really best. I remember getting the 3rd Place in my class after trying so hard just because my dad weren't satisfied with the 8th place I got before that. I really gave my best shot but again, just when I was happily thinking that my dad would finally be proud of me, he said to me in this teasing tone, "what are you happy for, do you think that this is good enough? Why 3rd instead of 1st?" Since that day, I realized that even my best won't make my dad satisfy, I was very disappointed. From that day, I just stop trying. I got 34th the next year when I was in standard 3. Even though I got better grades after that, but still I started to hate studying, I became rebellious. I don't study even when my dad beats me. You will never imagine what my dad did to me in these years. I was deeply cut and would never recover. That's why I can be broke easily, even if I was just talking about this to my friends, I cry very easily.

I hate my relatives for turning my dad into a monster. It's their fault, all because they love to show people especially my dad how awesome they are. They did not cherished what my dad had done for them, what my dad had sacrificed just because he loves his brothers more than anything in the world! Without my dad, they would be nothing. Things they are having now are blessings from my dad, still, they don't know how to appreciate and be thankful. They even back-stabbed my dad. Even if you read my blog, and know what I'm thinking now, I still want to speak up. Fuck you hard for treating my dad this way! I will never forgive you even if you give me a lot of presents cause I know that you're not sincere at all. Boo you for believing in God, you disgust me! I pray that He see this and all your sins.